of groundhogs and men

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am SO over this Winter and the cold. As a child, Winter is so fun and exciting. It means snow days or two-hour school delays, sleeping in on a weekday,  snow angels, building igloos, “helping” to shovel the driveway, and hot chocolate. Obviously the finer things in life. As an adult, Winter means waking up early to shovel snow off of and around your car, pumping gas in 10 degree weather, slow traffic, near-death drifting experiences because you’re too cheap to buy snow tires, ugly and washed out winter skin, dry skin and hair, dirty/smelly/slushy carpet when you enter the grocery store [Why do they do that?!], and people double-parking because exactly no one can locate the parking space lines. Ugh.

Punxsutawney Phil: “these people really believe this shit…”

I believe the Farmers’ Almanac to be more accurate than the anything the weather people say.  I’m not sure what Punxsutawney Phil predicted, but according to the Farmers’ almanac: it’s looking like shit until April. With Nemo coming to the Northeast tomorrow, I wish I was living in Florida right now. But nah, that place is crazy. Bath salts. I’m just like everyone else – wishing for warmth and sandals-weather. Positive note: I have not gotten sick once this winter! Thank you immune system and Purell. (Knock on wood).

On another topic, and the point of this post: my life! Yes it’s strange indeed. Everyone around me is getting engaged, married, and/or having babies – it’s cray. I’m only 23. My obstacles are tuning out (note: not ‘turning out’) assholes on the daily and paying 60% of my salary to student loans. Weddings are fun to attend and babies are fun to play with, but I couldn’t even think about bringing in another human into this world right now.

i get my fair share of babies while volunteering at the shelter

Also, while everyone was busy getting gym memberships last month, I actually cancelled mine. It was kind of ironic and almost like ending a relationship. However, seeing that I hadn’t been to the gym in 4 months, it was unwise to keep throwing away money. My body hasn’t revolted yet in the form of obesity, so no harm done. Thank you wheat allergy! Other than that, I’ve completed a few grad school applications and attempted to tackle the GRE while trying not to die from test anxiety and self-sabotage.

pinot grigio and a burger? classy.

Warning: LA rant about to follow:

At work, I’ve been listening to white noise to drown EVERYONE out. YouTube has this great “12 hours of white noise” video and I’ve added it to my ‘favorites’ list.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before, but it’s fabulous and more effective than listening to music. Sometimes I think I’m over-reacting, but often times, I realize that I’m not – people are just that inconsiderate. When you’re in an office, I think it’s so incredibly rude to have a LOUD conversation right outside someone else’s (read: my) cubicle. And the conversation isn’t brief by any means, usually going on for an hour. It’s one of the things I hate the most about working in an office. I dislike hearing other people’s conversations and personal information. I dislike when people talk on speaker phone. I dislike the sounds of people sniffling repeatedly when there’s a box of tissues right on their desk. I dislike the smells wafting from other cubicles. I dislike intrusive people who look at my computer screen when walking by my cubicle. I dislike the fluorescent, fake lighting that makes everyone look washed out, robotic, and ugly. I dislike conformity. I dislike HR’s incompetence  I dislike the sounds of people eating and scraping the last remnants of food out of its respective container. I dislike the smell of the old carpets from the 1970s that haven’t been washed in Lord knows how long. I just don’t think I’m cut out for an office environment. Yeah I should “suck it up and deal with it” and yes, it has caused me to become a little more tolerant, but I always ask myself: “Why is it that I have to be tolerant to unacceptable behavior and unnecessary noises?”

Karma, my good friend, where ya at?!

time for a change

As my last post stated, it’s been over a year since my college graduation and I’ve been thinking – which is stupid to say because I’m always thinking. I’ve been in the professional world for a year and without hesitation, I can say that I am NOT happy, satisfied, challenged, acknowledged, etc. In fact, I feel like since graduating, I have indeed “been dumbed down”.

Yes, a paycheck is coming in (an engineer’s paycheck), in this economy. I have a stable job, but seriously, how do people do this? How do people work in a high-stress work environment where they are not passionate about what they do. How are people okay with the feelings of helplessness? How are people okay with going through the motions of life?

Maybe it’s because I still have the young spirit in me, I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to be changed – to become a robot. Many times, more than I’d like to admit, I have fantasized about walking out of work and never coming back for the day. Never ever coming back period. It makes me smile and laugh to myself at my cube, but it keeps me going, keeps me determined.

Can’t stop my shine!

Instead of complaining about my situation, I have decided to be PROACTIVE about changing it. It’s time for me to leave the stuffiness and sheltered-attitudes of New England, let go of attachments, experiencing new things, make new friends, and find an engineering job that I enjoy. It’s time for me to seek career growth.

I have faith in the chaos of the universe – that I will get where I need to be when I need to be.
I hope this optimistic attitude lasts!

i guess time really flew

Today makes it 3 months that I’ve been working a real-person job. It’s really hard to believe , and before I know it, it’ll be January and I’ll be starting my next rotation. Then time will fly by and sooner or later, I’ll be finished with the 2-yr rotation program. While I’m very grateful to have a job, especially in this economy…yeah.

What have I learned in these 3 months? - Nothing. Besides the typical software programs necessary to do my job, there is nothing new I have learned about myself. I know I’m awkward, and when I started, I was pretty sure how I would act in any given situation, so nothing really came as a surprise. I’m in MA, so I knew that the diversity would already be lacking. While diversity isn’t a huge factor, I find it sad that in 2011, it is still kind of uncommon, especially since I come from a diverse area.

Any new friends? – No, but surprisingly, I’m more than okay with that. I’m not sure that I want to be friends with people I work with.

Any new goals? – Of course, but they’re extremely work-unrelated.

What do I do with my time outside of work? – I volunteer and I visit my college friends.

Last week was spirit week at my company, and it was just sad. A whole lot of no-spirit, myself included of course.

I seriously don’t know how people work for the rest of their lives, especially in a corporate environment. The cubicle colors, the lack of individual expression, the fluorescent lighting, the smell of stale coffee – it’s all so depressing. I get so excited when I hear someone cursing and swearing because to me, it’s like their soul is trying to escape and you see a glimmer of their true self. I keep my cubicle very neat and clean, but I prefer to separate work and home. I see people who have been here for as little as a year, and they’ve already tried desperately to decorate their cubes, but it still looks so sad, like the Charlie Brown christmas tree. And I won’t even get started on the people who have been here for 30+ years…I’m really not even sure what they’re waiting for.

i don’t know how to whisper

Like seriously.

I don’t even understand the concept of whispering. I have always been aware of this, but I am becoming more aware of it now that I work in an office. People whisper here. I can still hear them over my cubicle: talking to their spouses, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, or arguing with someone about a bill dispute. So I guess you could say whispering is all in vain.

"Zack is really a piece of shit, isn't he?"

The thought of playing the ‘telephone’ game in elementary school always made me cringe. I never liked anyone whispering anything to me, especially in my ear. When I first heard ’The Whisper Song’ by the Ying Yang Twins, my first thought was: “Wow, why would  anyone want to be whispered to…in their ear…by the Ying Yang Twins?!” I guess I never learned how to whisper. I grew up in a house with a lot of people. And by a lot, I mean 8 other people. I am the 3rd of 7 kids, (all biological), and we are naturally loud and have strong personalities. Growing up was like a constant battle to have your voice heard. The person who was the loudest won that battle. Now, it’s hard to escape the habit. I both talk and laugh loudly. When I am around friends and family, or am really excited about something, I talk EVEN louder. When I think something is really funny, let’s just say my laugh sounds like an evil witch cackle. People on campus could hear my voice a mile away.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those loud and obnoxious people (which I guess is subjective), but I do know when to shut up.

I think people both sound and look really stupid while whispering, and you have to move your lips in such a weird, unnatural way. So now when people whisper something to me, I just stare at them blankly. It’s as if  I just heard the wind and nothing else. I never whisper back – I just respond in my normal voice. But they keep whispering, as if that’s going to make me eventually whisper back. 

You lose.

cubicle sounds: chewing

There are three times during the day that I want to kill myself: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Two of these times occur at the office.

Anyone that knows me knows that I have extreme problems with the sounds people make while eating. I cannot fathom how anyone could contort the human mouth in ways that produce these offensive sounds. What parent would allow their child to grow up without correcting such a social handicap?! I wonder to myself whether or not the person knows that he/she chews this way, like an animal, more specifically a cow or horse? I can’t even be around a dog when it’s lapping up water. Jesus, that sound is so gross.

Anyways, as I currently sit in my cubicle and try to find something to do for the day, I can hear sounds of people eating their breakfast – and I just want to do one of two things:
1.) Strangle them
2.) Fling myself out of the giant glass windows near me

I share your sentiment.

 I don’t give a fuck how good your granola bar or cheerios may taste…keep that shit to yourself!

As soon as I hear the crinkling and rustling of a bag containing a food item, I know I need to make myself as scarce as humanly possible. This could result in me going to the bathroom even though I don’t need to, going outside to “make a phone call”, or walking around the building and acting like I’m looking for someone.
If I am doing actual work and can’t escape, I find myself putting on my earphones and loudly blasting gangster rap, while thinking of all the possible ways I can inflict pain on the offending person/party. This, unfortunately, does not allow me to hear my boss approaching, as he carries a shit-ton of change in his pocket, so it sounds like he has a dog collar on when he’s near. Which can cause very uncomfortable situations for times when I am caught playing ‘Bubblespinner’ on my laptop. Tomorrow is a free department lunch and I’m cringing at the sheer thought.

 
My mother and youngest brother chew this way, despite the dirty looks that the rest of my family gives them during mealtimes. I also have had many dear friends that unfortunately have this offensive chewing sickness, but despite how close I am to them or how ever long I’ve known them, it’ll never EVER excuse their eating/chewing habits. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I am very aware of how I eat, and am very conscious of when I make a weird eating noise. When I apologize for it, however, no one even seems to have heard the weird noise that I just made. That is a serious problem America. We are how we eat.

 

So, here’s a summary of everything:

• Chips – die
• Gum – die
• Soup – die
• Bananas – die
• Apples – die
• Etc. – yep, you guessed it - go kill yourself.