of groundhogs and men

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am SO over this Winter and the cold. As a child, Winter is so fun and exciting. It means snow days or two-hour school delays, sleeping in on a weekday,  snow angels, building igloos, “helping” to shovel the driveway, and hot chocolate. Obviously the finer things in life. As an adult, Winter means waking up early to shovel snow off of and around your car, pumping gas in 10 degree weather, slow traffic, near-death drifting experiences because you’re too cheap to buy snow tires, ugly and washed out winter skin, dry skin and hair, dirty/smelly/slushy carpet when you enter the grocery store [Why do they do that?!], and people double-parking because exactly no one can locate the parking space lines. Ugh.

Punxsutawney Phil: “these people really believe this shit…”

I believe the Farmers’ Almanac to be more accurate than the anything the weather people say.  I’m not sure what Punxsutawney Phil predicted, but according to the Farmers’ almanac: it’s looking like shit until April. With Nemo coming to the Northeast tomorrow, I wish I was living in Florida right now. But nah, that place is crazy. Bath salts. I’m just like everyone else – wishing for warmth and sandals-weather. Positive note: I have not gotten sick once this winter! Thank you immune system and Purell. (Knock on wood).

On another topic, and the point of this post: my life! Yes it’s strange indeed. Everyone around me is getting engaged, married, and/or having babies – it’s cray. I’m only 23. My obstacles are tuning out (note: not ‘turning out’) assholes on the daily and paying 60% of my salary to student loans. Weddings are fun to attend and babies are fun to play with, but I couldn’t even think about bringing in another human into this world right now.

i get my fair share of babies while volunteering at the shelter

Also, while everyone was busy getting gym memberships last month, I actually cancelled mine. It was kind of ironic and almost like ending a relationship. However, seeing that I hadn’t been to the gym in 4 months, it was unwise to keep throwing away money. My body hasn’t revolted yet in the form of obesity, so no harm done. Thank you wheat allergy! Other than that, I’ve completed a few grad school applications and attempted to tackle the GRE while trying not to die from test anxiety and self-sabotage.

pinot grigio and a burger? classy.

Warning: LA rant about to follow:

At work, I’ve been listening to white noise to drown EVERYONE out. YouTube has this great “12 hours of white noise” video and I’ve added it to my ‘favorites’ list.  I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before, but it’s fabulous and more effective than listening to music. Sometimes I think I’m over-reacting, but often times, I realize that I’m not – people are just that inconsiderate. When you’re in an office, I think it’s so incredibly rude to have a LOUD conversation right outside someone else’s (read: my) cubicle. And the conversation isn’t brief by any means, usually going on for an hour. It’s one of the things I hate the most about working in an office. I dislike hearing other people’s conversations and personal information. I dislike when people talk on speaker phone. I dislike the sounds of people sniffling repeatedly when there’s a box of tissues right on their desk. I dislike the smells wafting from other cubicles. I dislike intrusive people who look at my computer screen when walking by my cubicle. I dislike the fluorescent, fake lighting that makes everyone look washed out, robotic, and ugly. I dislike conformity. I dislike HR’s incompetence  I dislike the sounds of people eating and scraping the last remnants of food out of its respective container. I dislike the smell of the old carpets from the 1970s that haven’t been washed in Lord knows how long. I just don’t think I’m cut out for an office environment. Yeah I should “suck it up and deal with it” and yes, it has caused me to become a little more tolerant, but I always ask myself: “Why is it that I have to be tolerant to unacceptable behavior and unnecessary noises?”

Karma, my good friend, where ya at?!

end of the year wrap-up and new focus

I like to limit my posting to twice a month. It always surprises me when someone decides to follow my blog or likes one of my posts. I never really expect to be talking to anyone in particular when I write these, or anyone to really read them. However, I’m glad that people have thought of me as ‘worthy’ to follow haha. I know it’s a bit early to be writing an ‘end of the year’ post, but I figured I’d write one before Dec. 21st…you know. Anything could happen.

This year honestly flew by. I think it was the fastest year I’ve ever experienced. I find beginnings and endings very symbolic. I love the beginning of each day, month, season, year – just as much as the endings. I use them as a time of reflection, usually asking myself:

- What I’ve accomplished?
- What quality of life did I allow myself to have?
- How can I improve my quality of life and what would I like to see change?

my creation from today, on an outing with my mentee

I mostly write these down, along with the weekly happenings, in a journal I keep – a new entry every Monday. I think it’ll be funny to look back on these ramblings when I’m 30, and look at my journey from a bigger picture.  A few months ago, I remember mentioning how I am being proactive about my career situation. Trying to change the fact that I don’t like where I work, or what I do. Sometimes the route we decide to take isn’t always what’s best. The path I think I should be taking, might land me in an even deeper rut than I was before.

So that’s my focus this coming year – to do what I’ve always wanted to do: teach. From engineering to teaching. Although I’m sure the need for math and science teachers isn’t as dire as everyone is making it seem, it’s a career path that I’ve secretly always wanted before the brand new charter schools, Teach For America, and other education reform attempts. I love science. Science is life – it is all around us. I made no secret of my wish while growing up, always loudly proclaiming to my parents: “I WANNA BE A TEACHER!” But everyone told me: “Teachers make no money.” And now: “You’re gonna be so unhappy.” “From engineering to teaching? In this economy? Are you crazy? But why not? Why not now? If money was not a factor, are you doing what you would like to be doing? There are parts of engineering that I do enjoy. The practice…not so much the theory. I’ve always been passionate about the state of education in this country. I respect teachers for what they do. There aren’t too many careers where you have the opportunity to make a difference in 30+ lives in one year. I owe it to 3 teachers for sparking my interest in math and science and unknowingly leading me to chemical engineering. I know of bad teachers. The ones who have burnt out and forgot why they went in the profession in the first place, and take it out on the students. The ones who play favorites and obviously hate children. I know how it feels to be that student – to sit in class and not understand a single thing that’s going on. I know how it feels to feel stupid, to try at a problem, and fail time and time again. I am forever grateful to the teachers who would not let me fail.

The funny thing is that I’ve tried this route before. I applied for Teach For America the Fall of my senior year of college. I made it through the initial application review, got invited to the phone interview, made it past the phone interview, got invited to the final interview, did the final interview. I waited a month. On April 4, 2011, I checked my email.

Rejection.

I didn’t cry, but I felt hurt and confused. I felt lost. I understood it was competitive, but there are some kids they chose who were just using TFA as a resume filler. Going to put in their 2 years teaching and then go to law school, or get their PhDs.  What did they see in those kids that they didn’t see in me? And just like that, I stopped trying. Just like that, I let someone else decide that I wasn’t good enough, and I gave up on my dream of becoming a teacher. But hindsight is a funny thing. Not to at all bash TFA, or those who are TFA teachers, but I am so thankful that I never got accepted to TFA. I will be like the teachers before TFA and pursue a teaching career the conventional way. I have many options I can take, so my free time is occupied by putting my plan in motion. I’m excited for what these endeavors will bring.

In 2013, family and friends will still be important.

my two little sisters

And I’m also trying to acquire the taste for red wine.

courtesy of my friend Maddie

I think all these things are doable, so Happy Holidays and here’s to 2013!

true life: i take naps in my car during lunch

About an hour ago, I returned from taking the most delicious lunch time nap.
Oh the struggles of adult life. It can be so challenging sitting and staring at a computer screen.

Yes, I know: first world problems.

Like most Americans, I am cursed with a desk job. But I have found a way to make that a blessing. With most desk jobs also comes an hour-long lunch break. During this lunch break you can:

- continue to work
- actually eat lunch
- go to a doctor’s/dentist appointment
- run errands (mostly post office stuff in my case)
- read a book
- NAP

Most of the time, I  either read, nap, or both. Thirty minutes reading, thirty minutes napping. Both occur in my ever so roomy Toyota Camry. I push the seat all the way back and recline the seat all the way back.
Of course I don’t do this in the parking lot. Since the weather is nice, and it’s summer, it’s best to find a nice, secluded area, where you can safely roll down the windows without fear of being attacked by a weird, crazy stranger. If it’s too hot, make sure you park under a nice tree that will kindly provide you with free shade.

Make sure you keep a blanket/pillow in your car for convenience, and for those chilly days.

I usually end up eating when I get back. It’s important for me to take time out of my 8-5 for myself. Does this make me antisocial? Perhaps. But who would pick conversing over napping? I’ll wait…

That’s what I thought.
Do it.

time for a change

As my last post stated, it’s been over a year since my college graduation and I’ve been thinking – which is stupid to say because I’m always thinking. I’ve been in the professional world for a year and without hesitation, I can say that I am NOT happy, satisfied, challenged, acknowledged, etc. In fact, I feel like since graduating, I have indeed “been dumbed down”.

Yes, a paycheck is coming in (an engineer’s paycheck), in this economy. I have a stable job, but seriously, how do people do this? How do people work in a high-stress work environment where they are not passionate about what they do. How are people okay with the feelings of helplessness? How are people okay with going through the motions of life?

Maybe it’s because I still have the young spirit in me, I refuse to be defeated. I refuse to be changed – to become a robot. Many times, more than I’d like to admit, I have fantasized about walking out of work and never coming back for the day. Never ever coming back period. It makes me smile and laugh to myself at my cube, but it keeps me going, keeps me determined.

Can’t stop my shine!

Instead of complaining about my situation, I have decided to be PROACTIVE about changing it. It’s time for me to leave the stuffiness and sheltered-attitudes of New England, let go of attachments, experiencing new things, make new friends, and find an engineering job that I enjoy. It’s time for me to seek career growth.

I have faith in the chaos of the universe – that I will get where I need to be when I need to be.
I hope this optimistic attitude lasts!