cubicle sounds: chewing

There are three times during the day that I want to kill myself: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Two of these times occur at the office.

Anyone that knows me knows that I have extreme problems with the sounds people make while eating. I cannot fathom how anyone could contort the human mouth in ways that produce these offensive sounds. What parent would allow their child to grow up without correcting such a social handicap?! I wonder to myself whether or not the person knows that he/she chews this way, like an animal, more specifically a cow or horse? I can’t even be around a dog when it’s lapping up water. Jesus, that sound is so gross.

Anyways, as I currently sit in my cubicle and try to find something to do for the day, I can hear sounds of people eating their breakfast – and I just want to do one of two things:
1.) Strangle them
2.) Fling myself out of the giant glass windows near me

I share your sentiment.

 I don’t give a fuck how good your granola bar or cheerios may taste…keep that shit to yourself!