i don’t know how to whisper

Like seriously.

I don’t even understand the concept of whispering. I have always been aware of this, but I am becoming more aware of it now that I work in an office. People whisper here. I can still hear them over my cubicle: talking to their spouses, scheduling a doctor’s appointment, or arguing with someone about a bill dispute. So I guess you could say whispering is all in vain.

“Zack is really a piece of shit, isn’t he?”

The thought of playing the ‘telephone’ game in elementary school always made me cringe. I never liked anyone whispering anything to me, especially in my ear. When I first heard ‘The Whisper Song’ by the Ying Yang Twins, my first thought was: “Wow, why would  anyone want to be whispered to…in their ear…by the Ying Yang Twins?!” I guess I never learned how to whisper. I grew up in a house with a lot of people. And by a lot, I mean 8 other people. I am the 3rd of 7 kids, (all biological), and we are naturally loud and have strong personalities. Growing up was like a constant battle to have your voice heard. The person who was the loudest won that battle. Now, it’s hard to escape the habit. I both talk and laugh loudly. When I am around friends and family, or am really excited about something, I talk EVEN louder. When I think something is really funny, let’s just say my laugh sounds like an evil witch cackle. People on campus could hear my voice a mile away.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those loud and obnoxious people (which I guess is subjective), but I do know when to shut up.

I think people both sound and look really stupid while whispering, and you have to move your lips in such a weird, unnatural way. So now when people whisper something to me, I just stare at them blankly. It’s as if  I just heard the wind and nothing else. I never whisper back – I just respond in my normal voice. But they keep whispering, as if that’s going to make me eventually whisper back.

You lose.