Signs that you shouldn’t possess a driver’s license

Maybe it’s because I live in Massachusetts, which is known for its terrible drivers: Massholes.
It could also be because I live so close to the border of the Godforsaken-state of Rhode Island, which in reality, is such an irrelevant state.
Perhaps it’s because I still have MD license plates on my new 2011 Toyota Camry and they see me rollin’ and they hatin’.

Either way, each time I venture out on the road, I am met with such a sheer force of bitchassness from drivers with either MA or RI license plates.

Below are signs that you may be one of these people, and why you shouldn’t own a driver’s license:

You never use your turn signal. Also known as blinkers to stupid people. The greatest offender being Rhode Island drivers. Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you were going to merge into my lane, with 15 ft. of space between me and the car in front of me. You have now caused me to slam on my brakes and my blood pressure to raise exponentially. Did you plan on getting off an exit in a roundabout? Thanks for letting me….nope nevermind.

You only use your turn signal at stupid times. Oh you’re planning on turning left and you’re in the left-turn only lane. Gotcha, thank you for letting me know.

You tailgate in the fast lane. Oh that was you? On my ass on the (65 mph speed limit) highway, while I was doing 80 mph in the fast lane. No, I am not going to go 85 mph so you can get to your destination. No, I will not get a speeding ticket just to accommodate your impatient ass.

You drive 20 mph in a 40 mph zone on a two-way street. WHY? WHY? WHY? How am I going to get around you? Do you not see the caravan of cars behind you in your rear-view mirror?

You drive on or way too close to the double-yellow line on a two-way street. What the hell are you doing? Are you trying to cause a head-on collision? There is ample space on your side, so please respect my car’s safety cushion space.

You can not properly determine the distance needed to complete a turn. When I am coming towards you and you need to to turn either left to get to the other lane, or right, to enter my lane, please do so when I’m not almost near you. If you managed to make said turn when I was seconds in front of you, congratulations!  You have caused me to slam on my brakes and now I am behind you thinking of all the ways I can possibly kill you and wishing that only the worst things happen to you for the rest of your life.

You double park.  Please just die. All offenders just die.

You stick the front of your car out into traffic when you want to exit a driveway or street. You self-entitled idiot. I will not let you go. I will swerve around your stupid, ugly car and I will go about my way. You lose.

You brake when it’s unnecessary.  This is usually a sign of an overly cautious driver. Why are you braking when you’re 30 ft behind the car in front of you? Now you’ve caused me to brake and waste my gas.

Driving in these states is seriously not healthy for anyone’s sanity. By the time I’ve reached my destination, I’m usually talking to myself and playing the stupid driver actions over and over in my head. Thinking of every mean thing I could have said and/or done to the offender.

I’ve found that blasting gangsta rap while driving usually calms me down in these situations. Like so:

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4 thoughts on “Signs that you shouldn’t possess a driver’s license

  1. I hate it when people never use their turn signals (we call them blinkers here…)! However, according to the driver’s handbook and law, in Texas (unless it was recently changed within the past year), we have to give a signal before we turn anywhere, even in the parking lot, backing up, etc. If we do not, we can get pulled over and get a ticket for that — so I completely understand the ‘using turn signals at stupid times’ thing.

    As for the tailgating, that is quite stupid. -.- People do that to me ALL of the time, and I always get soo freaking annoyed by it. It’s the fast lane because you’re supposed to go full speed; full speed does NOT mean going over/under the speed limit, and I’ve even been honked at for going just 65mph — which was full speed at the time. They seem to think it’s SO cool or something to just speed up. All speeding does is waste your gas quicker, and who knows? You’ll probably end up with your car’s chest up another car’s behind because you were speeding and couldn’t slow down soon enough for the dang traffic. People are stupid when it comes to driving; it’s why there’s so many wrecks. P:

    We have that 20mph on a 40mph thing happenin’ mostly when there are tractors on the roads. Oh, and some people think it’s cool and fun and funny (yes, they will really turn around and wave and laugh like they’re cool and being all cute and jazz) to be in their gators and four-wheelers and go-carts on two-way roads and streets and whatnot. …It’s even worse when they decide to swerve inside the lane, speed up, slow down, etc., as if they’re just WAITING for us to hit them.

    There’s more people in town who stick their cars out into traffic. Legally (here, at least), I could keep driving straight and on my way, as if it’s not even there. They have a stop sign, and even if they do not, then as long as I do not have a stop sign/light, then I have the right of way, and they can get into trouble for that. They will also have to pay for the damages done to my vehicle, and whatever damage was done to theirs by mine… That wouldn’t be my problem, because THEY went past the white line telling them to stop. 😉

    It sounds like you’re driving in Dallas’ territory, though. I suppose Dallas traffic is in other places aside from Dallas. …Thank God I only have to drive in a terrible town, though! It’s not exactly a town of the greatest people, and even the town I currently live in isn’t so grand either.

    Anyway, nice blog. 🙂 I enjoyed the read! :3

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